New Study Shows How Parental Favoritism Shapes Family Dynamics

A BYU-led study shows how parents unintentionally favor certain children based on birth order, personality and gender, affecting family dynamics and children’s well-being.

Siblings often ponder who the favorite child is, igniting playful rivalries and contentious debates around the family dinner table. New enlightening research led by Brigham Young University (BYU), published in Psychological Bulletin, digs deep into this common query, revealing how parental favoritism subtly rooted in birth order, personality and gender can influence family dynamics and sibling relationships.

The study, spearheaded by Alex Jensen, a professor from BYU’s School of Family Life, uncovered that younger siblings typically receive more favorable treatment from their parents. In contrast, the oldest children tend to gain more autonomy as they grow, with parental control loosening over time.

“It is helpful to take the findings from this study and be aware of the patterns that could be happening in your family,” Jensen said in a news release. “When parents are aware, they can make small adjustments that benefit everyone.”

Interestingly, the research unveiled that daughters are slightly more favored than sons, a bias more evident to parents than children.

Personality traits also emerged as a significant factor, with agreeable and responsible kids enjoying more favorable treatment.

“Most parents probably connect more easily with one child over another, whether that be due to personality, birth order, gender or other things like shared interests,” Jensen added. “Watch for those patterns within yourself. Pay attention to how your children react to things that could be perceived as favoritism.”

This study carries critical implications for child well-being, not just sibling rivalry. Jensen’s other research indicates that children who perceive themselves as less favored by their parents may endure poorer mental health and display problematic behaviors.

“Keep an eye out for things that seem unfair. Your children will let you know if they think something is unfair. Pay attention to them when they make that known,” added Jensen. “Either they are missing perspective and understanding, or you need to make some changes in your parenting. Make sure you are open to the latter.”

To arrive at these conclusions, Jensen and his team analyzed data from over 19,000 individuals, extracting insights from various published and unpublished sources. This extensive dataset provided a comprehensive understanding of how parental preferences affect children throughout their lives.

“Sometimes parents get so concerned about treating their kids the same that they may overlook individual needs,” Jensen added. “We’re not suggesting parents feel guilty; instead, parents can look at this research and use it as encouragement to look at places where they can improve, without going to extremes.”

Jensen hopes this study sparks awareness about often-overlooked family dynamics. Favoritism, whether intentional or not, can significantly shape sibling relationships and individual well-being. By recognizing these patterns, parents can strengthen family ties meaningfully.

“The simple answers are perhaps the best. Be patient with yourself and with your children,” Jensen concluded. “Spend time together. Do things together that you like to do. Do things together that your children like to do. Work together, serve others together, worship together. Relationships take time and time together doing a variety of things will have many positive benefits.”