{"id":2595,"date":"2016-04-13T12:45:53","date_gmt":"2016-04-13T16:45:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/?p=2595"},"modified":"2019-03-04T14:27:48","modified_gmt":"2019-03-04T19:27:48","slug":"listening-101","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/listening-101\/","title":{"rendered":"The Single Most Important Skill You Don’t Learn in College: Listening"},"content":{"rendered":"

Listening 101 is not a course offered in college but definitely should be.<\/b><\/span><\/h4>\n

\"conversation\"<\/span><\/p>\n

Recently, there have been many talks about the importance of listening in communication, and it\u2019s probably worth paying attention to if psychologists, pastors, motivational speakers, CEOs\u00a0and ordinary people like myself are talking and\/or writing about it. \ud83d\udc81<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But really, I<\/span>\u00a0believe that listening is one of the most important yet greatly overlooked<\/em><\/strong><\/span>\u00a0life skills that need to be addressed and cultivated<\/strong>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Hear me out: <\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s no doubt that public speaking skills<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0are both desirable and scarce<\/strong>. Colleges know this too– hence the copious classes and courses designed around it. <\/span><\/p>\n

Indeed, our society applauds great talkers who exude confidence, charisma, and charm with their magic,\u00a0that is,<\/em>\u00a0their words. <\/span><\/p>\n

“If I were only half as articulate as they are!”<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

But when it comes down to one-on-one, individual, <\/span>personal<\/span><\/i>\u00a0level of communication,\u00a0I would argue that a great listener is much more\u00a0attractive than a great speaker.<\/strong> I mean, think about it: a great speaker can\u00a0inspire\u00a0with their words, but a great listener can encourage\u00a0without saying a word!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

BTW, if there were enough listeners in the world, a conversation wouldn\u2019t look like the one\u00a0illustrated above.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anyhow,\u00a0<\/span>I am not at all undermining the importance of speaking in communication: obviously, a conversation involves two or more parties, and at least one of them should be talking (most of the times<\/em>). But what I do<\/i>\u00a0want to emphasize\u00a0is the importance of listening as an <\/strong><\/span>active–\u00a0<\/i>not a passive– ingredient\u00a0in a conversation.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

[divider]<\/p>\n

So then what makes someone a “good” listener?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

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\u201cIf we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.<\/em>\u201d– Mark Twain.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Here are seven ways to\u00a0develop good listening skills:\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

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1- Let the other person speak &\u00a0don’t interrupt.<\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n

We all experience, from time to time, the urge to interrupt the person speaking, either to correct them or to add on to what they’re saying. But resist the temptation! Let the other person finish his or her thoughts– maybe they will address or clarify the point you were going to comment on.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

2- Listen with the intent to understand, not with the intent to reply.<\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n

Oh, this one got me bad (see Celester Headlee’s “10 ways to have a better conversation” TED talk here<\/a>)<\/em>.\u00a0<\/em>Too many of us, including myself, are so focused on finding keywords<\/em> that would spark a memory or worried about finding\u00a0the\u00a0rights words to “carry on” the conversation. This is not good<\/em>— focusing on our response\u00a0means losing the subject in matter.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3- Look<\/em> at the person speaking. <\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n

Yup, listening\u00a0was never just about listening. Looking at the\u00a0person while also listening to them ensures a greater concentration and focus because\u00a0you’re devoting\u00a0two senses (hearing and sight) to them.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

4- Look for non-verbal cues.<\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n

\ud83d\udc49According to different studies, our words only account for 7% of our communication, whereas our tone accounts for 38% of it, and nonverbal elements (like posture and gesture) 55%.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

This suggests that what is unsaid may be more of a communicator than what is said. And indeed, a great listener\u00a0goes beyond hearing the said. A good listener deciphers<\/em> the unsaid by observing body languages and facial expressions. A good listener\u00a0can discern inconsistencies between words spoken and the non-voluntary actions performed.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

5- Empathy is key.<\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n

As difficult as it is,\u00a0try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes<\/a>. Stop trying to relate your circumstance or experience to what that person is experiencing (which usually leads to “been there done that” mentality and attitude) and try to see\u00a0that person’s experience as a unique event. Then try to feel what the person is feeling.<\/span><\/p>\n

6- Focus on the message, not the words.<\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n

What message is the speaker\u00a0trying to convey? Are you perhaps being too logical and thus failing to meet their emotional needs? What does the person want you to feel or hope you would do? Try to read between the words.<\/span><\/p>\n

A great speaker can inspire with words, but a great listener can encourage with\u00a0no\u00a0words.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

7- (But) be careful not to jump to conclusions.<\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n

Reading between the words can help you understand the person’s emotional standing, but be careful not to draw conclusions (unless\u00a0explicitly stated by the speaker). Always ask\u00a0before assuming,\u00a0and offer suggestions before performing them.<\/span><\/p>\n

[divider]<\/span><\/p>\n

Takeaways:<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/h5>\n