{"id":24599,"date":"2018-06-19T10:59:20","date_gmt":"2018-06-19T14:59:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/?p=24599"},"modified":"2022-03-16T10:55:30","modified_gmt":"2022-03-16T14:55:30","slug":"stimulate-desire-not-by-playing-hard-to-get","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/stimulate-desire-not-by-playing-hard-to-get\/","title":{"rendered":"How Do You Stimulate Desire? Not by Playing Hard to Get, Study Finds"},"content":{"rendered":"

Despite the age-old notion that \u201cplaying hard to get\u201d can increase desire in the dating world, a new <\/span>study<\/span><\/a> suggests that it might be sending the wrong message. <\/span><\/p>\n

Researchers from <\/span>IDC Herzliya<\/span> in Israel and the University of Rochester have found that people are more sexually attracted to a romantic partner when they feel certain their partner is reciprocating the same feelings. <\/span><\/p>\n

The study is published in <\/span>Computers in Human Behavior<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

To test the debate of whether or not uncertainty in a romantic relationship affects sexual desire, the researchers conducted six interrelated studies. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The first four studies focused on new relationships, as participants interacted online with prospective partners who were either clear or vague about their romantic intentions, and afterwards, were asked to rate their sexual desirability. <\/span><\/p>\n

The last two studies explored already established relationships and focused on perceived partner regard. <\/span><\/p>\n

Study on new relationships<\/b><\/h2>\n

In the first four studies, participants interacted online with a potential romantic partner via Instant Messenger. Unknown to the participants, the person they were chatting with was working with the researchers. <\/span><\/p>\n

Each study included various elements intended to test whether uncertainty would affect participants\u2019 sexual desire and willingness to speak with their partner again. <\/span><\/p>\n

For instance, in the first study, the researchers told participants that they could send one final message to their partner at the end of the conversation. <\/span><\/p>\n

Some participants were told that their chat partner sent a final message back, while others were told that there was no message waiting for them, triggering either feelings of certainty or \u00a0uncertainty of the chat partner\u2019s intentions. <\/span><\/p>\n

In the second study, the researchers wanted to know if the element of uncertainty would affect the participant\u2019s desire to speak with their chat partner again. They determined this by looking at the final messages the participants sent to their partners and coded them for expressions of romantic interest and future meetings. <\/span><\/p>\n

In the third study, which was similar to the first, the participants were given a guaranteed final message from their chat partner, written with either low or high romantic interest. <\/span><\/p>\n

For instance, some participants received a final message from their partner saying, \u201cI just got a knock on the door, so I\u2019ll say bye and you were a nice distraction to a dull day\u201d (high interest), while others received one that merely said \u201cI just got a knock on the door, so I\u2019ll say bye” (low interest).<\/span><\/p>\n

The fourth study investigated whether or not a chat partner\u2019s explicit interest instigated higher feelings of sexual desirability overall. <\/span><\/p>\n

At the end of each of the four studies, the participants were asked to rate the sexual desirability of their partner on a 1-5 scale, with one being \u201cnot at all sexually desirable\u201d and five being \u201cvery much so.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Overall, the researchers found that study participants who felt more certain about their chat partner rated them with higher sexual desirability than study participants who felt less certain. <\/span><\/p>\n

In these situations, the mean of the partners sexual desirability was rated as 3.15, as opposed to 2.73 for less certain interactions. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPeople may protect themselves from the possibility of a painful rejection by distancing themselves from potentially rejecting partners,\u201d <\/span>Harry Reis<\/span><\/a>, a professor of psychology and Dean\u2019s Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at the University of Rochester, said in a statement.<\/span><\/p>\n

To prevent this sense of rejection, <\/span>people might seek out a more trusted partner. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPeople tend to experience more desire for and seek out valued and trustful partners who will be there for them in times of need and who are less likely to cause them pain,\u201d said <\/span>Gurit Birnbaum<\/span><\/a>, an associate professor of psychology at IDC Herzliya and lead author of the paper. <\/span><\/p>\n

Study on established relationships<\/b><\/h2>\n

Similarly, in the two studies focused on established relationships, the researchers found that feeling more certain about a partner in the long term resulted in a greater desire for sex. <\/span><\/p>\n

The fifth study surveyed participants and asked them to rank how positively their partners regarded them recently as well as their partner\u2019s sexual desirability, while the sixth study asked both members of a couple to do the same over the course of 42 days. <\/span><\/p>\n

Both studies found that lower uncertainty was associated with greater desire for sex with one’s partner. <\/span><\/p>\n

Birnbaum explained that uncertainty can be even more detrimental in established relationships, as it can lead to a lack of trust and security. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUncertainty is more typical of initial romantic encounters, when little is known about partners, than during later relationship stages, when certainty about partners\u2019 commitment intentions is relatively high,\u201d she said. \u201cHence, when uncertainty about a partner’s interest emerges in established relationship, it clashes with the need for security that long-term relationships typically provide and means that the partner is insufficiently concerned with the relationship and cannot be trusted.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

The importance of knowing <\/b><\/h2>\n

While it\u2019s common to be unclear in initial romantic relationships, the researchers found that, overall, knowing a partner\u2019s romantic interest can make or break a relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n

So, if \u201cplaying hard to get\u201d has been an unsuccessful strategy for you in the past, perhaps you should think about being clear and honest with your intentions. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOverall, I’d not recommend playing hard to get with a specific person you wish to interest because this may arouse this person’s rejection fears and decrease your appeal,\u201d said Birnbaum. \u201cStill, expressions of romantic interest should be reciprocal and gradual. Otherwise, they may backfire.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

While the findings \u201cdon\u2019t put the final dagger in the heart of this idea,\u201d Reis pointed out in a statement, they do put the notion of playing hard to get up for criticism, adding that the idea was <\/span>\u201cnever supported by solid science\u2014but folk wisdom at best.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Despite the age-old notion that \u201cplaying hard to get\u201d can increase desire in the dating world, a new study suggests that it might be sending the wrong message. Researchers from IDC Herzliya in Israel and the University of Rochester have found that people are more sexually attracted to a romantic partner when they feel certain […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":58,"featured_media":24605,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[230,229,543],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-24599","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news","category-lead-stories","category-university-of-rochester"],"aioseo_notices":[],"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/hard-to-get.jpeg",830,533,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/hard-to-get-224x144.jpeg",224,144,true],"medium":["https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/hard-to-get-300x193.jpeg",300,193,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/hard-to-get.jpeg",830,533,false],"large":["https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/hard-to-get.jpeg",830,533,false],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/hard-to-get.jpeg",830,533,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/hard-to-get.jpeg",830,533,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Natalie Colarossi","author_link":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/author\/natalie-colarossi\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Despite the age-old notion that \u201cplaying hard to get\u201d can increase desire in the dating world, a new study suggests that it might be sending the wrong message. Researchers from IDC Herzliya in Israel and the University of Rochester have found that people are more sexually attracted to a romantic partner when they feel certain…","featured_media_src_url":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/hard-to-get.jpeg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24599","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/58"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=24599"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24599\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/24605"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=24599"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=24599"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tun.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=24599"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}